Masculine vs. Feminine: A Different Football Game

menandwomenwatchingfootballMany of my friends laugh at some of the polar opposite activities I enjoy. Sundays I prefer to go from my noon meditation right into football. What can I say, I grew up in Texas. Football was church to most of the families in my neighborhood. I am a New Orleans Saints fan by marriage. My husband, Jameson, has been a fan since he was a young boy. He and I go to at least one away game a year. Of course we make a weekend out of it. Enjoying new cities, their aquariums, museums, and other local activities. And just for the record, out of the 10 games we have attended, the Saints have only lost once.

So my other pastime and my calling in the life is seeking and understanding the differences in masculine and feminine. The subject fascinates me. So when I can find some research to do and it happens to include football, it’s a win-win.

If you follow football there is a day (some) affectionately call Black Monday. It’s when, at the end of the season, losing teams need someone to blame, and the Head Coaches are fired. The first difference I noticed between my husband and I on this day. He looks forward to it. Jameson loves knowing who is getting let go. I always feel bad. Not only are they getting fired, it’s a public affair. Sports journalists all over the country are talking about it. I get emotionally attached to people and he (crazy belief) sees it as a game.

Here’s what started my latest research on that day though. I hear the Chicago Bears fired their coach Lovie Smith. Our good friend is a Bears fan. I know he liked Coach Smith.

I text him and say “Wow, what do you think about them firing Lovie”

To which he replies, “Hmmm, I have mixed feelings”

I then asked “Where do you think he will go”?

My true Bears fan quickly text back “Who cares, more importantly, who is going to replace him?”

I was puzzled for a moment at his reply. I cared what team Lovie Smith may coaching his future. What if no one needs him? What if he doesn’t get to coach again? Did he know this was coming? Is he ok? What about his family?

I asked my husband if the New Orleans coach was fired, would you care about where he goes? He said not really. I would want to find out who replaced him.

I was shocked. He loves following the Saints. How could he not be attached to the individuals? So that got me thinking. Wow, even in the sport of football, there is still masculine and feminine thinking. I wanted more research on this.

I polled about 50 people, men and women, (football fans, of course) and asked this question:

“If the head coach of your team was fired what’s the first question you would want to know?”

Every man said- “Who is going to replace him?”

All but one female said-” Where will he go next” or “Why did he get fired”

The feminine tends to be the nurturing, emotional thinking. We get attached. We just want everyone to be ok. Masculine tend to be more logically thinking. They wanted to ensure the well-being of their team. Who will take over now?

I am not sure how this information will readily change the world. It’s just my latest observation. Again I am always fascinated by how different thinking in the masculine or thinking in the feminine can be. This article isn’t meant to say either thinking is right or wrong. I am so grateful we have both sides.

firedcoachAlso, as many that have worked with me are aware, both men and women are capable of thinking in the masculine or in feminine. I would have to use my masculine if I were the person in charge of firing a coach. Otherwise from the feminine, I may call other teams and have a job lined up for them before I could fire them. I would give them the “It’s us, not you” speech. It would be very emotional for me. In fact a coach was fired this year who’s son passed away in the beginning of the season. My feminine thought ” How monstrous, you can’t do that to him”.

It’s football, it’s masculine, and as much as I enjoy it, I watch from a feminine place. I like that even though my husband and I are watching the same game, he is watching the sport and I am watching the people.

No one has to endure a mediocre marriage

Here’s an interesting article about mediocre marriage and some options other than divorce and/or “putting up with it”.

I see many clients and friends who have this issue.

They may say something like “There isn’t anything wrong with my relationship, I’m just bored”.

I think in our society now, we are becoming more accepting of alternatives to our parents relationships. As the article says,

Before you conclude that your only options are divorce or a life of eternal semi-happiness, imagine other options. Forever is a long time. It pays to be flexible.

Both people, I believe, need good communication skills to make any of them work.

I also believe that it is our own responsibility to cure our mediocrity.

My husband’s homecoming

I meet so many people in this work who end up asking me, at one point or another, what my experience is. There is cynicism out there, I think, over people who help others work on their relationships but may not practice what they share.

There is no way that a single YouTube movie can eliminate those concerns. But I just wanted to pass along something my family made for me and my husband after he came home from spending way too long in Iraq. There are no words to describe all the emotions I was feeling that day but I think most of them were captured.  I hope you enjoy it:

Rainbows

In loving memory of Dawn Ferman.

Today I woke up when my husband kissed me goodbye for class. I barely stirred and went back to sleep. As I rushed to work later this morning, I found myself slightly irritated by my mom wanting to tell me all about what she had for dinner the night before. Not that I didn’t want to hear all about her meatloaf and brussel sprouts,  but Jack Johnson was on the radio and I wanted to practice my karaoke-car version.

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